On the 4th Day of Christmas...

"30 But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God.31 You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus.32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David,33 and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."

Luke 1:30-34

How shocked would you be. Girls, especially. If an angel came to you and said, hey listen. I know you have your own plans, and that your a virgin and your just kind of hoping to live a simple life but SORRY, that's not going to fly. You're going to give birth to the son of God, Jesus. My guess, pretty shocked. We don't plan for that to happen to us. We don't go to bed at night thinking okay... I'll get up at 6, take a shower, and get ready, eat some breakfast, then the angel Gabriel's going to come and change my life, history, religion, and the world forever. And then after that maybe I'll go grab some food. No, we don't plan for that sort of thing. Mary didn't either. She had a very simple life. So did Joseph. When he married Mary he didn't expect to find out one day that his virgin wife was pregnant. He wanted just a normal life of a carpenter, but that didn't work for him either.

But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name Jesus: for he shall save his people from their sins.

What faith. What faith that Joseph & Mary had that they could give up everything they had prepared, and expected to follow what came in a dream, or what an angel told them (respectively). Most things I dream, I forget instantaneously. We need to pray every single day that we have the great faith of Mary & Joseph to be as willing and excepting of our God's word and will.

His word is better than anything we could ever hope for, dream for, or even imagine. Why wish for a word when we can have the whole book, metaphorically, in the name of Jesus Christ?

In this Christmas season, I hope that you are willing to take on God's requests.

Merry Christmas (in 3 days) Y'all :)

On the 3rd Day of Christmas...

If you read this last night, you're ready- here it comes- a deep blog.

It's more personal than anything, but not in a creepy way. I've been waiting to tell this blog. I was going to write it when I first started blogging back this summer, but I figured I'd save it for christmas. I almost forgot about it, then I found a little sticky note reminding myself to do it.

I told myself I would, and this is going to be difficult for me to type, but I'm sticking to my word.

About three years ago, we had our annual Christmas party. It's mainly my dad's work and some close family, and it's always a pretty big deal. At the same time, my grandpa on my dad's side was pretty sick. He had just had some heart problems recently, so they were just keeping watch on him. Party was going like normal. My cousin Koryn and I would hang out in my room, occasionally my little cousin Jacob would come hang out with us, and our two youngest cousins Luke & trey would play with the legos and try to crash into my room and mess with my stuff. Usual. We were being really silly. It was just normal, fun, a usual party. Then we got a call. My grandpa had suffered from a heart attack and was in the hospital. It's like everything froze. My aunts and parents were all in my dad's office waiting around the phone for the next call. Luke & Trey didn't know. We decided not to tell them, they were really young, and it was almost Christmas and we didn't want them worrying. Koryn, Jacob and I started to kinda just cool down in my room. Just sit down. Occasionally one of us would "spy" almost downstairs to see what was happening.

Then we got another phone call. My grandpa had died. [I'm sorry, let me say this right now, for being so personal with you. I just really felt that I should get this out. And I am tearing up a little right now because of the next part of this, but please don't feel bad or anything, it happens.] Koryn, Jacob and I went in my room after finding out. We all sat around. Koryn on my bed, Jacob in a chair, I was on the floor under my dresser. Jacob was crying like crazy, Koryn was crying, and I was just sitting there. We were talking about memories we had with my Grandpa, and it just made them cry even more. No matter what, though, I could not cry. It wasn't just "building up" and I don't know to this day if I was just in shock... but I couldn't cry. And that drove me crazy.

We flew up to MInnesota for his funeral. It was depressing for me because I felt so guilty, so selfish that I couldn't even cry upon my own dad's father's death. I was just being horrible. Me and my cousin, Chelsea, who I never even get to see, fought even over it. We both wanted to right him a song to put in his coffin. We tore ourselves a part over it, and stopped talking to each other for the whole time we were there. For the first time in my life, I saw my dad cry at the funeral. And I went up to see him, and nothing happened. Nothing would make me cry. And at this point i was so sad from not being able to cry, that i wanted to cry. Something was wrong with me. This is the part I hate. I hate myself for this... I couldn't go to his funeral. I couldn't bring myself to it. I thought that I didn't deserve to see him that one last time because I couldnt even cry for him, what kind of a granddaughter was I? So I went inside a room in the church, curled up on a recliner and tried to force myself to cry. I just sat there. Thinking about everything. Kinda thinking how it would be to go out to the funeral, and ultimately deciding against it. I was there for the burial, but I regretted to this day on not taking the last chance I had to see my grandpa.

It always struck tears to my eyes (a little late) when thinking about it after. I've already cried a few times just typing this up. I went and pulled out an old teddy bear that he & my Grandma gave me for Christmas the year before. It's pretty emotional for me now, but the biggest healing point was just randomly in church a year or so back. It came to the Our Father (Any non-Catholics, it's a part of our mass), and nobody was next to me on one side, so my hand was open. I closed my eyes when I said it, just because, and I felt somebody squeezing my hand. Of course there was no one next to me. But it felt big and warm just like my grandpas did. And I could imagine him there with me, just watching over me. And now constantly, I'm overjoyed when I have a free hand, because I close my eyes and just hope he'll come and be with me. I know he's always watching over me. I know he's not mad at me for not seeing him one last time, or that I couldnt cry. I know he understands, and is so proud of everything I've become, and I almost feel like he's helping me type this right now. I know he can see me crying, and that he's with God right now looking down on me. Smiling.

That's why through all of these tears, I'm partially smiling, because at the end of it I know he's there with me. He always will be.

In Loving Memory

Loving and Loved Husband, Father, and Grandfather

"Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? ......... No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow -- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below -- indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 8:35 - 39

"Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies."

2 Corinthians 4:10

On the 2nd Day of Christmas...

Oh no. Well I had this big, deep blog planned for tonight. But here we are... 11:41, I should be asleep. I'm lying in bed yawning. But I promised myself I'd blog. Just rest assured: tomorrow = deep.

Tonight though, I'll keep it short and sweet. :)

You are beautiful.

How often are you told that? I promise you it's not enough. Right it on your hand, your mirror, your binder, something. Look in the mirror every morning and night and say that. Engrave it in your mind. Don't let yourself forget it.

"And God made man in his image, in the image of God he made him: male and female he made them."

-Genesis 1:27

If we are formed in God's image, and God is by far in every way beautiful and amazing, we are beautiful. Not to an extent where we are better than anyone else, or where we need to be cocky. But we are beautiful. Remember it.

We are the light of God.

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!"

That's one of my favorite songs. Ever. I mainly love the purpose of it. It's to teach children that we are to spread the word of God. Children. We're supposed to be children, you know.

Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up to salvation– if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.
(1 Peter 2:2-3 ESV)

We should be the light of the Lord, and be like children when they didn't care what religion their friends were. When we didn't know that war existed, when we didn't get caught up in silly matters. And to be the light. Little children are the light. Seeing a happy child puts a smile on any ones face. I would know, I spent an hour chasing one around yesterday, along with several others. We need to be children. We need to be the light of the world.

let it shine,

let it shine,

let it shine.

Just Another Drop In The Bucket

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3p7zaXZvM&feature=related


1:28 to 1:37 is just inspiring to me. When I first saw it, I grabbed my mouth in shock and couldn't even focus on reality. Just a small, small portion of what we spend trying to find the "perfect gift" for Mom, Dad, and Suzie could fix the clean-water issue.
Which just happens to be the leading cause of death.

Now what do you think would make Jesus happier, a new toy that will be out of style in one month, or to save countless lives? This Christmas, coming up, keep that in mind. Go ahead, get your gifts. I'm not going to lie, I love buying people gifts, because I love to see their faces when they open them, but I wish there was something more i could do. STRIKE THAT. There is something I can do. There's something we ALL can do. There are organizations locally, nationally, and globally that work together to solve thirst. We can become a part of one. This isn't impossible.

We may be just one drop of water in the bucket, but if all those drops join together it becomes clean water. Clean healing water.

Sorry for the horrible, horrible comparison. I just had to.

Speaking of drops in the bucket, today I had my audition for a musical, if you know me, go ahead and ask what it's about, but it really isn't relative to this particular blog. What I sang, however, is. You MOST LIKELY know this song:

525,600 Minutes

525,000 Moments so dear

525,600 Minutes

How do you measure- measure a year?

My apologies if you have not heard that song. It's called Seasons of Love from RENT. But my point is we have five hundred twenty five thousand, and six hundred minutes in one year. Which doesn't sound like much if you think about it. 60 seconds in one minute. 60 minutes in one hour. 24 hours in one day. 7 days in one week. 4 weeks in one month. 12 months in one year, and who knows how many years in a life, even? We can't define it by numbers constantly. You don't see anyone walking down the streets saying "Hey, theres 2,600 minutes left in 2010!" or "Excuse me, have we hit 500 minutes yet?" Otherwise, we would be constantly jumping to the next second. Minute. Hour. Day, so on, so forth. We already do that a little now, why do it anymore? We need to live in the moment, and in that moment we have to FOCUS ON CHRIST.

I go back and look through my old blogs once in a blue moon to see if I've gotten any feedback. It helps me to know if I'm making a difference for anybody. If I'm helping anybody. Or at best, how I CAN help somebody. That's why I'm here, really. I noticed that right before school started I posted a blog entitled FOG, if I'm correct. Focus On God.

Be honest with yourself now, have you been doing that?

Christmas is around the corner. Counting the days, especially if you have one of those ornaments from Hallmark that does it for you (guilty!), but only a few times in this season do we really sit back and think "Wow. This is just beautiful. My family's coming together. There's a beautifully decorated tree, with some presents under it. There's music playing, and we're about to celebrate Jesus' birth." We should be constantly thinking that.

New Years is coming up shortly after. Make your New Years Resolution this:

In 2011 I'm going to focus on God

Whatever drama may come I hand over to God

Whatever may cause me stress I hand over to God

And I know that by putting all my trust and faith in God

He will follow through for me

Because he's absolutely always with me

happy holidays

Misguided Ghosts

Misguided Ghosts

Paramore. They are my favorite band- end of story. This is a song that I’ve been listening to, and I’m going to kind of weave through the lyrics, because although it is not technically a Christian band, they are all Christian and I’m easily relating this song to our faith. Hope you enjoy.

I’m going away for a while

But I’ll be back, don’t try and follow me

‘Cause I’ll return as soon as possible

You see, I’m trying to find my place

But it might not be here, where I feel safe

At some point we all have just had enough. We all have wanted to just leave, not having anyone worry about us, or have to follow us. Just to be one with God and just recollect ourselves.

We all learn to make mistakes

And run from them, from them

With no direction

That is so, so true. We all have made mistakes. Big and small. We’ve made mistakes today alone, and we want to take them all back. I’m especially guilty of this. We don’t do anything about them, though. We run from them. What are we running to? We don’t have any specific place or reason for it. We just want to get out of the possible pain, we’re the same way when it comes to doing the right thing in God’s name. And run from them, from them, with no direction.

We’ll run from them, from them

With no conviction

conviction |kənˈvik sh ən|noun1 a formal declaration that someone is guilty of a criminal offense, made by the verdict of a jury or the decision of a judge in a court of law : she had a previous conviction for a similar offense.2 a firmly held belief or opinion : his conviction that the death was no accident| she takes pride in stating her political convictions. See note at opinion .• the quality of showing that one is firmly convinced of what one believes or says : his voice lacked conviction.

ORIGIN late Middle English : from Latin convictio(n-), from the verbconvincere (see convince ).

We don’t want to be guilty, even when we are sure we are. Peter denied Jesus 3 times, even after promising he wouldn’t, just because he didn’t want to face the pain that would come if he had stuck by Him. The stronger guilt was the one after, though.

‘Cause I’m just one of those ghosts, traveling endlessly

Don’t need no roads, in fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

This part, because of why Hayley Williams wrote this song, stands out to me. She doesn’t like the fact that people want to be just like her, that people want to be her because she’s famous. She’s just a person, or as she put’s it, a ghost. Traveling endlessly: always moving, always looking for whats coming next. The next line, Don’t need no roads, in fact they follow me, is intriguing to me. I want to say what it means to me is she’s not following any persons footsteps. And we just go in circles: life is just confusing, if you haven’t figured it out by now. Sometimes it feels like we’re just going around in circles. That we have no point in life but to just walk around and mark our own roads, but we do. It’s etched out by God. The only roads we need to follow are the footsteps of Jesus Christ.

But now I’m told that this is life

And pain is just a simple compromise

So we can get what we want out of it

Have you ever felt that way? Not necessarily depressed, even though you might have known someone in the past that was depressed, but to the point where all you felt was pain? Or that the only way to get through life was by suffering to be happy? Don’t get me wrong, when you follow Him there are costs, but they are all worth it. It’s not meaning how it does above when it’s saying pain is a compromise to get a little bit of joy out of life, that’s not how it works. We’re not looking for joy, we’re looking for salvation in the name of Jesus Christ.

Would someone care to classify

I’ve broken hearts, and twisted mine

So I can find someone to rely on

And run to them, to them

Full speed ahead

Everyone reading this has at some point had a broken heart. Don’t deny it, and chances are you may have broken someone elses, even if you don’t know it. By going through and getting your heart broken, or by falling for someone and it doesn’t work out, you’re twisting your own heart, you’re breaking yourself down. We all have someone to rely on though. I definitely do, whenever I need to vent, laugh, cry or just talk, I always know who to count on. Who to run to, full speed ahead. Have you ever thought to run to God though? To pray. He’s always there. His phone wont ever be dead, or out of minutes for texting or calling, He wont ever be logged off of Facebook, He’s there for you when you reach out to Him in silence and prayer. Full speed ahead.

Oh, you are not useless

We are just misguided ghosts

Traveling endlessly

This is referring to two different things I’ve mentioned. Feeling like you have no purpose, and then referring back to what I said about Hayley saying she was a ghost.

We do have a purpose, we all do. Oh, you are not useless. We are “misguided ghosts”- we don’t know our purpose yet. That’s why we “travel endlessly” looking for what in the world we are supposed to be doing. Just travel in the way that He has laid out for you and you will most definitely find your place.

The ones we trusted the most

Pushed us far away

Have you ever lost a friend? I have. And I wish I didn’t have to say that, because it’s horrible losing someone. Especially when you trusted them with all of your heart and then you got so distant that you barely spoke.

God wont ever push us away, it’s only us that pushes Him away.

And there’s no one road

We should not be the same

How many times have I mentioned this in previous blogs? It’s important: we are NOT supposed to be the same. Otherwise God would’ve made us like that. If we are all supposed to look like we all had plastic surgery 200 times, He would’ve made us to look like that, act like we were all the same, think like it, and overall just be the same. But we’re not! We all have talents, gifts, purposes that is our own unique thing. No other has the same exact gifts as you, and you are important. You are your own self. Don’t forget it or deny it. Embrace it. Love it, after all God shaped you in his image, didn’t he?

But I’m just a ghost

And still they echo me

They echo me in circles

Last time, Hayley repeats that she’s just a person, and that people still strive to be like her. They want to live the life that she lives and fulfill the purpose that she has, while she’s still going in circles trying to figure it out. They’re just echoing her, and her circles. And it doesn’t help anyone.

I’m in the middle of a road-trip back home, no I’m not referring to the song. If you are very observant you’ve noticed that I typed up two blogs in one day. This is probably being posted on a Monday or Tuesday, however it’s Sunday at around 3 right now. I just couldn’t wait to get this out. I hope it meant to you as much as it did to me.

Oh, you are not useless

We are just misguided ghosts.

Findings

So right now I’m in a car far from home, not even halfway there. I was up in DC this weekend with most of my immediate family for a special occasion, but that has nothing to do with this. I just wanted to post this to say that throughout all of our life, everyday even, we have findings and realizations. Some are small, and some life changing.

I’ve had a lot of the life-changing ones recently. Whether it’s who I am, how I want to dress, who I want to hang out with, what I want to do with my life, music, or greater than all others, how strong I am with my faith. I’ve had a lot of people ask me questions about my faith, and I’ve had a lot “diss”, if you will, my beliefs, as in anti-abortion (pro-life) and the fact that I am Catholic. It does NOT change me, it does NOT break me, and it never will. With little things like fashion, I’m just finding out what I like to wear, if someone comes in wearing the new trends from Hollister I’m not going to freak out and go change how I dress. Sorry if you do that, I’m not trying to be offensive, it’s just not me. Nor do I change a belief of mine, or how strong my religion is because someone tries to shoot it down.

Don’t let it shoot you down. If everyone got shot down after one blow at something they believed in, where would be? I know you’ve heard this a million times, so what’s one more going to hurt- Martin Luther King Jr., if he stopped fighting for his rights once someone told him he wouldn’t get them, where would we be? If Jesus had stopped once persecuted I wouldn’t even be here today typing this up on Microsoft Word. We can’t lose hope once someone doesn’t agree with us; we need to know this.

Wow, I got a little off topic; I tend to do that.

Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.

James 1: 3

I’m in the middle of some highway in (I think?) Virginia, I’ve missed it here. I used to live in this area, and a few hours up is where my first mission trip was. Soon enough I’ll be back home and I’ll be going to my church. It’s been a long weekend, and I’m so glad I’m stuck in this car right now because I’ve FINALLY had the chance to just belt out, let it loose, and I couldn’t be happier.

Love always.

Silence

You may have known this, depending on if you are pro-life or not, (hopefully you are) but yesterday October 19, 2010, was the 2010 Pro-Life Day of Silence and Solidarity. It's pretty much saying this:

babies are silenced forever without a voice

they dont have a say in their mother's "choice" to end their life or not

they dont have a choice or a voice

can you give up your voice for one day for those who will never have one?

I cheated a bit. I talked at home when i was only with my mom and dad, because they get the point and they are very strongly pro-life too, but at school i stayed silent the whole day. I think i slipped up a total of 3 times? But i immediately caught myself, put my hand over my mouth, and stayed silent.

If you know me, you know that silence is a difficult goal for me. Nobody thought I could do it. Or they didnt think I'd be able to make it past first period. But i did it. Not only was it a HUGE accomplishment for me, and it came with a good feeling that I cant even explain, but it got a lot of people to ask me about it and to read the abortion papers. They wouldnt have read them if i had just came up to their lunch table and said "HEY! You should totally read this, it's what I believe in and I support it with all of my heart."

That's. Just. Words.

You have to show them that you mean it, that this is what you feel & you will do anything to support it. That's what everyone participating in this did. You either had duct tape on your mouth or shoulder or even shirt (mine was on my shirt), preferably red (mine was gray, :/ had no red), with the word LIFE on it. When people do this, especially very talkative ones, it causes you to thing- why aren't they talking. especially if they ask you a question, and you respond by nodding your head or motioning your hands. They know somethings up. I just love this cause, my favorite one that I've ever done. I'm willing to do it again, whenever. All of my teachers agreed that it was okay before the date and didn't ask me to do anything that required talking, i actually got to sit out of a debate in class because it would involve talking. If my teachers read this for some reason, thank you.

I didn't want to post this last night, on the actual day, because I figured- this is my voice. This is how i spread His good news, and how i talk about all my encounters with Christ. If i'm not supposed to have my voice for one day, blogging doesn't support that.

I'm in the middle of a miracle. Being involved in this subject has been just that. I'm looking forward to March For Life in the upcoming year, and growing even stronger with my beliefs against abortion. To learn more, just chat me- you know where to find me. Or comment! :)

OH, and to James (jinglydoodle) and Katrina, Amanda, Claire, and anyone else who participated in this, I am so proud of you:) you did a great thing and keep it up guys. Love always.

But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear ; do not be frightened."
Take Courage
1 Peter 3:14

New Perspective

It hit me like a truck.

I've worn this ring almost everyday since mission trip 2010 and I always knew what it meant, but it finally hit me exactly why it applied to me. I'm so glad it did, but boy did it hurt. I'm selfish, and don't realize what I have until it's gone, or meets a risk factor. I realized this just randomly, when I noticed that i complain at as simple things as having to walk up my drive way when there is the option to be driven, or having to bring up the garbage when I'm tired in the car. There is no excuse to complain for any of these things. These things are so easy and painless i should JUMP at the chance to do them. But I dont. Truth is, I probably never will be excited to do chores, but still- my ring says Undeserved 2010. And that always strikes me as 2 things

1. undeserved- i dont deserve anything i have. i'm not going to pray to God and ask Him to take it all away, but i'm sure not grateful enough for it, or at least, i dont show it.

2. underserved- sometimes i add that one extra letter so i can think about this- how often do i serve Him? I mean, Jesus died on the cross for me, and I cant serve him with all of my heart, soul, and will? False. I need to start.

Now i'm sorry this has been really deep, i do actually have some really positive points for this, but I just needed to get that out because it's really been building up. And i am so grateful for that. Sometimes a pain as minor as knowing that you're not appreciating his love as much as you need to helps all the more. My friend Hannah told me something back in the tennis season, it's kinda her motto, I guess. She always smiles. I mean always. This girl was being crushed in tennis only because the girl serving was calling the points wrong, and she smiled away, and kept playing. She played great. She was working on a project for a very challenging class, and she was still smiling. I've never seen her not smile, to make it better- she has dimples :). I'm trying to use that outlook on life, because the more i think about it the more it makes sense.

Everything is His own, and is definitely worth smiling over.

Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead!

- I Peter 1:6

Today in Faith Development classes ( i teach 1st grade) we were teaching them a very small scale version of an important thing to know- everything happens for a reason; dont lose hope or faith if your prayers dont always come just as you ask them. If you've ever seen Bruce Almighty, this will be a very easy comparison- if all prayers were answered "yes" there would be some counter-prayers and everything would just blow up in your face. I mean, if you pray that the Vikings win tonight (please....) and another person prays that they lose horribly, both won't be answered. Even though its a silly prayer anyways judging by how much else there is in this world to pray for. But the point is, it comes out not in our favor, but in our intent. We will not always get what we ask for, because of the fact that His plan is greater and comes out just the way he wants it too. He knows whats best, dont get upset, just go with it. He is amazing, and I will never stop praying, and having faith in Him, because He never has and never will in me.

Be content with what you have, for God has said, "Never

will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So say with

confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid."

- Hebrews 13:5,6

Back

This is overdue.

It's been exactly a month since I've blogged, I'll apologize and move on right away because why waste all of my blogs apologizing? There less often now, let's take advantage of them:)

So yesterday this thing pretty much came to me when I was laying in bed getting ready to fall asleep. It was just this thought that hit me like a train. And it made me wonder why i had never thought of it before. It's pretty obvious, so I might sound dumb, but I'm talking about self esteem.

Yeah, go ahead. Make your judgements, but I'm serious here when I say it. We all suffer from self esteem.

It's either too low, or too high. Too low, and you don't see yourself as the beautiful perfect you that God created and wants you to be. Too high and you think you are above everyone, and/or your dont respect that you are merely human, which doesnt even compare to Jesus Christ. We need to find a common ground, a place where we can say- okay. I am not perfect, but i am beautiful, i am made in His image, and i am His own. Can we do that?

Most people have a problem with looks. I personally am fine with my looks, i dont think I'm gorgeous, but i know this is how God wants me to look. Don't get me wrong, i'm all for wanting to dye my hair. Seriously, I am, but I dont complain all day about how i have this flaw, and that flaw, and so on and so forth. Not. My. Thing. I do have a problem with venting though, and if you ask any of my very close friends they'll agree with that. I'm not going to say what i vent about, ask me & I'll tell you, but it's gotten to the point where the majority of my conversations with some friends are all about the latest news and how much i need to vent it. it helps me, but it kills that relationship. I need some common ground with that too. Just thought I'd put that point across.

So this month has so much going on.

Pro-Life stuff all around (JOIN IN!)

Standing up for gay teenagers (remembering those that committed suicide as a result of bullying)

Breast Cancer Awareness month

today was actually pink day at my school, everyone wore pink as a way to support awareness

In the hustle and bustle of all this, dont forget one important word:

PRAY!

I'll leave it at that, actually, because I HATE rambling, and once again, I'm sorry for the lack of posting.

James will be very pleased to see I posted this.

Goodnight all(:

and dont worry, I'm a little rusty, but theres a deep one coming- i can feel it :)

I'm in the middle of writing a blog. It's been a month, I'm also studying at the same time while talking to some friends and trying not to fall asleep in the midst of it. I missed blogging though. Every night almost i would think to myself, what should i be blogging about right now? It's good to be back.

I Do It For You

This pains me to say, but it's already the 14th, and this is my first blog of the whole month. Let me apologize for the fact i probably wont be blogging that often NOW so I don't have to have this big intro thing before everyone.

This won't be too long, but dont worry, soon enough they'll be a gigantic one coming your way. But I've just had so many moments, I guess, in the last while that was just registering in my head as "this is a sign, you need to just DROP IT." when i say drop it, im refferring to the fact that from 6 or 6:30 am to 10:30 to 11:30 pm I am nonstop social, academics, and sports. That's it. Where does God come in? Sure, i pray. I talk to God, I'm always talking to Him, but I just feel like somethings missing.

For me, i think that something (honestly) is blogging. I tend to just dump it all out, but while doing it I just relate myself to how my life is all about Him, or how it should be. For others, they get closer when they sing, or they do art, because they do it for Him. I never EVER want to forget that every single move I make, breath I take, thing I do, it's ALL for Him. All of it, especially when I don't know it. I'm all living the life that he sculpted for me.

Every move I make

I make in You

You make me move, Jesus

Every breath I take

I breathe in You

I personally love that song, but it may just be me. I think it really relates to the vibe I'm feeling in this particular entry, though. I dont really know how this sounds, because I'm exhausted, I just have all these emotions bouncing off the walls inside my head and I'm just trying to fit them into words.

That's no excuse.

I've been aching lately, just randomly. My wrist hurt like crazy for a while because of tennis, my foot & ankle has been hurting, my head, and my shoulder is on and off too, and I feel like thats a good comparison. I feel this pain, but it keeps me motivated. It keeps me motivated to work my muscles harder in tennis so they will be less vulnerable to the pain that comes with overworking it. Maybe we feel pain. Pain of those occasional struggles that come in following Christ, or the pain when you feel He has abandoned you (which is false, and will never happen). Instead of just sitting there, we work harder. We try to get closer to Jesus. We praise God even more, and we grow stronger. We work through the pain, and become less vulnerable to it.

There will always be pain, we know that. You can compare that to my tennis pain again, if you want to, no matter how much practice i get, I can still get injured. Not that I want to, that'd hurt.. a lot. I feel like I'm drifting towards my friend James (amazing kid, hes like a really tall brother who's closer to my age), and so instead of continuing, I'll just send you the link to his: http://www.funnybecause.blogspot.com/

To sum things up, we do it. We keep pushing on. And although we partially do it so the pain goes away, we really only do it to get closer to Him. We do it for Him.

James 4:10

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

jinglydoodle.

Seriously? What is UP with this? It seems the more posts I have, the less often I post. This can't keep on, it won't. I promise. Let me say why: I've been flooded with school starting and tennis, but I've got a hold of it now and I will still blog. I promise:) scouts honor.

ANYWAYS... yesterday i stayed up later than needed because an amazing friend of me... who we will call Jinglydoodle, (he knows that's him, trust me) on just some personal troubles I've been having. It's nothing new, so if you know me dont feel as if you need to come to me saying "OH NO EMMA, WHATS WRONG. ARE YOU OKAY? OH BOY. WHATS WRONG?" please dont. I mean, i respect the love and all and it's great that you care that much but it's just the usual venting scenario. Anyways, jinglydoodle and I were talking and it just let me know how good it is to have someone you can count on. Someone that won't judge you once you start pouring out to them. Someone that actually thinks the story your telling them is interesting, and they're begging to here the rest and reach out and help.

OHHH and to jinglydoodle: good luck.

Luckily, God has blessed me with many of these people. And I'm so SO greatful. Another thing that I know of for sure is that I need to be that kind of friend too. Show that kind of love towards my brothers and sisters in Him, and always be there for them. Because (not trying to steal James' recent blog theme (http://funnybecause.blogspot.com/2010/08/matthew-please-mark-my-proverbs.html check it out!), but I need to associate myself with the "right crowd" of friends. Wait no, scratch that. I need to be as connected with others as I can (especially to spread the good news), but I need to make sure they are REAL FRIENDS. As in, I can tell them anything without a doubt.

Be honest, how many facebook friends do you have? 352. Now how many of those could I hit "chat" on and pour my heart out to? Very few. Probably under 20. Maybe more, but that might be exaggerating. How many of those 352 do I sincerelly love to be with? maybe 200, but there are some times when even I feel like i need a break from some of them. Do you see how bad that list is? Don't get me wrong, I try and socialize with my facebook friends so I do not delete them. I like to know I have an oppurtunity at all times to socialize with someone i know that i might not even really "know" that well.

Let me know later if this makes no sense.

But anyways, in school starting this year especially, we need to know that. Expect a long rambly (like always) classic blog TOMORROW, but I have a test to study for... :/ goodnight every body. Thank you, God, for FINALLY helping me to type this up. :) Bye guys.

Remembering

Sorry for the lack of posting in a total of nine days. I don't have a really good excuse, and I'm sorry. I'm working on it. Maybe I'll make it part of me "homework" now that school is about to start up. But there has been a lot going on in the past 10 days. Lets see, I helped my friend Claire (who I LOVE) move and also stayed with her in her first night ever with her own room, I've been busy in tennis (especially with our first match next week, trying to improve to get a higher rank), and I have also had personal things on my plate. I had a youth council interview last week and it was more of a reunion because I saw loved ones and talked to Georgie who has always been someone I can look up too, I went to an amazing concert by two people my whole family loves, and this weekend I'm going on a youth group retreat to build leadership. So I guess there has been a lot going on, but I'll let you know i NEVER stopped praying. God was always most important. No matter what.

I have this cross thats right at the top of the stairs. So you go up the stairs, and if you're looking straight you see the cross RIGHT AWAY. I like that. It reminds me every time I go up to my room, and every time I go downstairs to get a snack or watch TV I always see it. I always think to myself "Amen." as in "yes." as in I am here. and I am here to do as you wish. Just help to guide me so I follow your amazing path into the perfect me you imagine. Even though I will never reach the highest standards I have for him, he still thinks I am perfect, just the way I am. And this is something I need to remember because a few minutes ago me and my friend were trying a home-remedy to cure acne. He loves me no matter if I have acne, no matter if I'm having "boy problems" or if things aren't going how i want them to. They're not supposed to go how I want them to. That's not what happens. I'm here to do what HE wants me to do. I just forget that sometimes. So I guess that cross and that simple "Amen" helps me to remember I'm here because, for, and with Him.

Along with all the other things I'm striving for in life, like to perfect my serve and aim in tennis, silly appearance & crushes, good grades, getting better musically, figuring out if I'm on student council, working in my church youth group council, and being a good friend, I also have a number 1 goal.

Top 10 Goals:

10. Hopefully, make student council

9. Work on my aim in tennis

8. Work on guitar

7. Perfect serve in tennis

6. Work on piano

5. Work on singing

4. Good Grades and whatnot in school this year

3. Be an amazing friend and help everyone I can, no matter how I feel about them.

2. Do my best in my church youth group council (total youth council)

1. Strive always to be who He plans for me to be, no matter how challenging or great it is. Because He will be there for me every single step of the way.

As i wrote that last one (by the way, 10 is least important all the way to 1. which is by far especially greatly more important) i was looking at that cross. I'm glad that's in my house in a place where I see it so often. I need that reminder. That's pretty sad, but true. Sometimes we forget, because we know we're not perfect but we try to be, that we need Him. He is the only cure. Whether it's a ring from a mission trip, a cross, a quote or verse you can never forget, we all have something that reminds us. It's not a bad thing, even though He should always be on our minds. It's a great thing that even though we DO forget, we try everything to help ourselves remember always. I will always remember. He's always been there for me. I never give up on God because if I'm a tough spot in life He WANTS ME to be there. He wants me to learn from it, or use Him to get through it. Or He wants me to wait for the better outcome. He is the reason.

John 14:6

Jesus replied, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.