Cry

Yes, I am still in Minnesota but this blog doesn't even talk about it- SORRY JAMES! Maybe if you remember a few blogs back i mentioned something I'm in called Pure Fashion. I don't really want to elaborate on it, but it's a great program- so ask me about it sometime. Anyways, we had a weekend retreat, towards the beginning of the season (around the school year), and all the cabins were in the middle of the woods, so the short walk to the meeting place meant stepping on some crunchy leaves. But then again, that's really fun- so no one cared! As i was saying, a lot of girls ended up walking around in the forest just thinking to themselves, sometimes talking out loud, to get closer to God. I don't know if you've ever heard this, but when it's all silent and your just thinking to yourself and you're in that moment where you're not even really thinking, it's just these thoughts are processing- That's you're conversation with Him. He works through you, it works even better when you talk out loud (i've tried).

I didn't get to stay both nights, i refused to miss out on my youth group meeting at my church with my two other friends (Claire and Lauren) and so the first night there was my only night. Luckily, that was the deeper stuff and everything i missed Sunday was more of the glamour stuff (once again, ask me about the organization if you're wondering what I'm talking about). Well Saturday morning i was walking around in the forest and i started talking to myself and i just realized i wasn't even thinking about what to say anymore, i just started Him off and i just kept on talking from there. I cried, a lot. Actually, it was the most in touch with God i had EVER been. Ever.

Then there was mission trip this year. We had this thing on Thursday called "Cry night". It's basically where through a series of events of realization, you realize all that you've been doing wrong when you could've been helping Him for His plans for you, great and many. I cried then too, just because i got so into my conversation with Him, it was just inside my head. So nobody could hear me whatsoever, but i heard Him - loud and clear. And then i looked around and saw all my friends who were sitting just bawling. Gasping for air, looking up like they were missing something. I felt like i needed to go help them. So i went around, even to people i didnt know, and would just place my hand on their back, or just sit next to them for a little. I didnt talk unless they talked to me- and if i did i just told them how to talk to God like i did. I figured what they needed was some silence and God.

Then i had this friend who was still crying after most everyone had finished. I wasnt close with her before mission trip, but now we're really close. And I went and sat with her. I talked to her a little, and i told her eventually- just talk to Jesus. To get through this you just need Him. And she said something that i'd heard earlier that week- "Right now i need Jesus in flesh."

That night i had just talked with that friend for quite some time. We seperated ourselves from everyone else. And i dont think i even talked to her, she was talking to God out loud, and occasionally she would look over and i'd just tell her she was doing great. I was so proud (sorry if that sounds a bit mom-ish.) And I realized more than ever that sometimes you need silence because in silence we can think straight to conversations with God, and we can talk out loud to Him. Sometimes we need Jesus with flesh. She called me a saint that night. I laughed and denied it because all I was doing was trying to do what He wants me to do. Serve Him. Oh, and sometimes we just need to cry. I've learned that over the past few months. Things would happen to me and i would just break away from everything and just cry. Or sing my feelings out. Or talk to God. And it would all just pour out, but it would work.

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We're crying for them come back home
We're crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

-Tears of the Saints

-Leeland